Using IFS to Reduce Your Fear of Flying - Part 1
- Anna Filipski
- Mar 27
- 5 min read
A guest blog with Anna Filipski, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor.
I asked a few professionals what they would tell my clients who have a fear of flying if they were to come to them. This week, I'm excited to introduce you to Anna Filipski, a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with nearly 25 years of experience in
counseling and psychotherapy. She is a Certified Brainspotting Practitioner and an IFS Level I Therapist with a BA in Psychology and an MA in Counseling from the University of Central Florida.
The beauty of Internal Family Systems (IFS) is that it can alleviate fears indirectly by working with the overall internal system rather than focusing solely on the fear itself. Instead of forcing exposure to fear, as in traditional phobia treatments, IFS helps by healing the parts of you that hold fear or try to manage it, creating a natural reduction in anxiety. One way IFS reduces fear without direct confrontation is by strengthening Self-leadership. IFS helps individuals connect with their Self—the calm, compassionate, and wise core part that can hold space for fears. When Self is more present, fearful parts automatically relax, even without directly addressing a specific fear. For example, someone struggling with general anxiety may not focus on their fear of heights, but by increasing Self-energy, they naturally feel more confident and grounded in many situations.
Another way IFS helps is by healing protective parts that fuel fear. Many fears are maintained by protective parts that try to keep the person safe, such as a hypervigilant part that constantly scans for danger. Building trust with these parts and helping them relax their extreme roles naturally lessen fear responses over time. For instance, a part that avoids public speaking out of fear of judgment may calm down once it no longer has to carry old burdens of shame. IFS also works by unburdening deeper emotional wounds. Fearful responses often stem from exiled parts carrying past pain, such as childhood memories of helplessness. By healing these wounded parts, the nervous system becomes less reactive overall, reducing fear-based reactions in multiple areas of life. For example, someone with a fear of flying may have an exiled part carrying childhood memories of feeling out of control. Once that part is unburdened, the fear of flying softens naturally—even without exposure therapy.
Creating internal safety is another crucial aspect of IFS. Many fears originate from parts that don’t feel safe inside, leading to external anxieties. IFS builds inner trust and safety, making external fears less overwhelming without forcing confrontation. For example, a person with social anxiety may stop overthinking interactions once they feel secure internally rather than forcing social exposure. This approach is powerful because fear reduces naturally as inner harmony grows. Healing one fear often reduces others, and lasting change occurs since fear is not just managed but transformed at its root.
A simple IFS exercise can help cultivate Self-energy to calm protective parts. First, settle into the present moment by finding a quiet space, taking deep breaths, and noticing physical sensations without trying to change them. Then, identify a protective part by asking yourself what part of you feels responsible for keeping you safe and how it shows up (e.g., tight chest, racing thoughts, avoidance). Instead of trying to change it, connect with the part from Self-energy by observing it with curiosity, offering reassurance, and letting it know you appreciate its role. By checking in and practicing this regularly, internal trust builds, allowing protective parts to relax naturally and reducing fear without forced exposure.
For individuals with trauma, accessing Self-energy can be challenging because protective parts may be hyperactive, distrustful, or overwhelmed. Trauma can make it feel as though there is no Self at all, but in reality, it is always present, just buried under protective layers. Steps to access more Self-energy for highly traumatized individuals include starting with small moments of safety, befriending protectors first rather than pushing them away, using grounding techniques, and noticing small glimpses of Self-energy, such as a moment of curiosity or a second of calm. Some protective parts may require permission before allowing Self to lead, and working with a therapist or safe guide can be helpful for deeper trauma work.
A daily practice of cultivating Self-energy can support trauma healing. This involves settling into the present moment, noticing protective parts without judgment, acknowledging them with compassion, and inviting Self to lead. By closing with gratitude and grounding exercises, individuals can strengthen Self-energy without forcing change. Even practicing for two minutes daily can create shifts in the inner world, helping protective parts feel acknowledged and allowing fear-based responses to ease over time. This gentle, respectful approach makes IFS a transformative method for reducing fear and promoting internal harmony.
Internal Family Systems provides a transformative approach to overcoming fear that differs fundamentally from traditional exposure-based treatments. By strengthening Self-leadership, healing protective parts, unburdening emotional wounds, and creating internal safety, IFS addresses the root causes of fear rather than merely managing symptoms. This gentle yet powerful method allows fears to diminish naturally as the internal system finds greater harmony. Through regular practice of Self-energy cultivation—even brief daily exercises—individuals can build a compassionate relationship with their protective parts, gradually allowing these parts to relax their roles. The beauty of IFS lies in its respect for the whole person and all their parts, offering a path to lasting transformation that extends beyond specific fears to create greater overall well-being and resilience.
More about Anna and how to connect with her:
Anna spent a decade in community mental health and group psychiatric practice before
launching her private practice, where she's been empowering clients for the last 14 years. For the past 5 years, Anna has focused exclusively on supporting women. She’s an expert in
guiding women through the rollercoaster of motherhood, perimenopause, and menopause, and
she specializes in working with high-achieving women to manage high-functioning anxiety and
heal from complex trauma.
Anna is passionate about holistic and evidence-based therapy, blending modalities like Internal
Family Systems, Brainspotting, and other somatic therapies to help her clients heal and thrive.
Her dedication to compassionate care shines through in her ability to foster resilience, enhance
relationships, and empower women through life's major transitions.
Anna loves to travel, run, and dive into a good book when she's not in her office. A lifelong
learner and advocate for women’s rights, she’s on a mission to bust myths about menopause
and provide accurate, empowering information to women and their support networks. As a
trauma survivor herself, Anna is deeply committed to helping women heal, guiding them toward
a balanced, fulfilling, and harmonious life.
Phone: 321.217.2349
