Fear of Flying - 5 Expert Tips

When people found out that I was married to a commercial pilot and very afraid of flying, they used to laugh. While I was afraid, I never let it stop me from traveling. I love to travel. Growing up, we traveled often as a family, but always by car. I flew a few times as a teen, and it never bothered me, but once I had kids, my fear of dying increased sharply.

If you have a fear of flying, you are not alone by any means! A recent study showed that nearly 40% of people have a fear of flying, with about 5% having a severe fear of flying. That was me, the severe fear of flying. I remember specifically on an overnight that I was going on with my husband, I had a panic attack right before we pushed out of the gate. He was the Captain on the flight, and the guy sitting next to me was a pilot with the same airline deadheading to another location to pick up his flight. I don’t think he knew what to do with me once he realized what was happening. He tried to joke and talk with me, but nothing worked. 

KLM flight

As they were shutting the door, I jolted out of my seat and ran up front to the flight deck. I couldn’t speak, thought I was having a heart attack, and had tears running down my cheeks. The First Officer turned around, recognized me, and tapped my husband on the shoulder. He turned around, saw me, and gave me a very knowing look to show me he knew what was happening. He asked if I wanted to get off of the plan,e and I squeaked out a no. I told him who I was sitting with, and he told me to let him know what was happening and that we would be on the ground before I knew it. 

That was the last time that happened. There was something about the relaxation he showed, and the pilot I was sitting next to showed the same kind of relaxation that shifted my perspective on flying. They do this all of the time! Then, I continued that thought, and my husband came home after every trip! Putting the number of take-offs and landings into perspective allowed me to see that; statistically, flying was safe. Did that mean that I never felt fear again? No. It still popped up once in a while. The more I flew, the less it happened. 

With the most recent airplane incidents and the 24-hour news cycle, if you have any level of fear when it comes to flying, it is probably on steroids right now. You aren’t alone. I see more and more people posting and commenting on their fears. They are considering giving up flying and driving or canceling trips altogether. If that is you, I encourage you to do what is best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong answer, but there are considerations and even help out there that can help you recover from your fear of flying. 

So, what can you do for yourself to help your fear of flying? 

Pre-flight prep. Pay extra to select a seat that brings you comfort. If you are more comfortable towards the front of the plane in an aisle seat, secure that seat. Load your phone up with music that helps you to relax. If noises on the plane bother you, purchase noise-cancelling headphones. Wear comfortable clothes, dab lavender oil on your wrist, snuggle up with a sweater, or anything else that brings you comfort. I have a sweater that swings out, and it is a must-have when I travel. I can wrap it up around me and even tuck it up under my chin. For some reason, I feel really relaxed when I have fabric up near my chin. I guess it’s like my adult blankie. 

Recognize your triggers. Some common triggers that may provoke fear are taking off, landing, turbulence, and the general lack of control you may feel. If you already suffer from anxiety, you may notice that your physical symptoms increase when you fly. Rapid heartbeat (remember, I thought I was having a heart attack), sweating, and nausea. Taking off and turbulence used to be the triggers for me. I still don’t like light flying through clouds. If I can’t see, how can the pilots see? My husband thinks this is hilarious because, of course, they have radar, and clouds don’t impact their ability to fly.

Recognize your triggers and find ways to ease your anxiety. For example, I close the window shade if we are approaching a bunch of clouds. If you feel more nervous when taking off, create a plan that allows you to be comfortable and relaxed. It may involve having your favorite music playing on your headphones or getting plugged into a book right away.

Seek professional support. There are courses that you can take that help with your fear of flying. British Airlines offers a course called, Flying with Confidence. You can hire a coach or take online courses that may help you. 

If your fear is a bit more severe, there are professional options that you can look into. Some therapy programs for individuals and groups focus on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). There are also medications you can take. I used to carry a medication with me and not take it. Knowing that I had something to help me in case my anxiety went into overdrive really helped me prepare and relax. 

Deep breathing

During flight coping mechanisms. Learn deep breathing techniques. There are many you can choose from. I like to imagine a box and inhale deeply for 4 seconds while the top line is drawn, then exhale for 4 seconds, imagine another line drawn, pause for 4 seconds, and then start over to complete the box. Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. 

Another way to cope with inflight turbulence or the sounds is to distract yourself. This may involve purchasing Wi-Fi if it’s not already included, scrolling social media, reading blog posts, or even playing a game on your phone. 

Work with travel professionals. A travel advisor can relieve much of the anxiety and uncertainty. They can provide additional tips, handle all of your transportation to and from the airport, and even have a concierge waiting for you at the airport—often at little or no cost to you. 

There are many ways to support yourself to help you overcome your fear of flying. I do not recommend alcohol. Let me say that in a different way: I do not recommend drinking a LOT of alcohol. Having a drink preflight or on the flight is fine. Consuming too much alcohol can actually create more anxiety or get you blocked from boarding the flight. 

You can manage fear, and because you have fear now, it doesn’t mean you will have that fear forever. Look at me! From panic attacks with tears running down my cheeks to getting on board, snuggling up, and sleeping before we even take off! 

Your journey to overcoming the fear of flying can begin today. Whether you start small by booking a short flight, reaching out to a travel advisor for support, or exploring professional help through CBT or specialized courses - remember that you're not alone in this journey. I went from being that terrified passenger rushing to the flight deck to someone who can now sleep peacefully through takeoff, and I believe you can find your path to more comfortable travel too.

Don't let fear ground your dreams of exploration. Take that first step - whether it's implementing some of the coping strategies we've discussed, talking to a professional, or reaching out to a travel advisor who can help make your next flight experience smoother. The world is waiting for you, and there's nothing quite like the freedom of confidently taking to the skies.

Safe travels!

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